It was the sinus infection in early March that really made me question my body.  I understood why my face hurt, I understood the throbbing in my head.  Those things made sense to me. The intense migraines for days on end, the incredible vertigo that bound me to a wheel chair in the doctors office, and the way I could not even walk across the room unassisted did not make sense to me.  My patient sister with the natural nursing instinct kept me on a steady stream of medicine, toast, and crackers.  Day after day I got worse.  The doctor gave me a stronger antibiotic, and still I worsened.  It was not until I left the shelter of the sick bed she made for me on her couch and returned to my own walls and my own food that I began to heal again.  I didn’t understand then, the diet I had begun in interest of shedding pounds had limited amounts of gluten. Slowly I had begun to heal my intestines.  I had feared those crackers and that toast might add pounds back to my more slender frame.  I did not know at the time that the damage they were causing was far worse than a few added pounds.  They had triggered the intestinal response to gluten, and they were to blame for the vertigo and the migraines.  It was a week and a half I was so terribly ill.  It took only a few days of eating my unintentionally less glutenous food to heal.

The memory of that spurred me to try this gluten free diet.  It’s only been four days.  I should wait longer, before making the leap I am about to make.  I can’t though.  I know.

It may only be four days, but they are four glorious days.  Four days without one single head ache after having lived with them every day for over a decade tells me everything I need to know.  Four days of sleeping blissfully, even when I don’t drink a glass of wine tells me.  Four days of feeling like bouncing out of my skin with joy because I’m not exhausted tells me.  Four days of feeling lighter than I ever have, tells me everything that matters to me right now.
This is after FOUR DAYS.  Where will I be in four months, four years?  I joyfully anticipate what will be unwrapped in the days and months to come now that the gift of health can be restored to my body.

Hope was first a small light, calling me deeper into the pages of the web.  Now it floods brilliantly bright and I know something I did not know before.  I will not simply decay, my body failing more and more with each passing birthday.  I can do something about it, and I can live.  I can really live.  Not live “despite” but simply live.

Advertisements